I play “violent” computer games, although only a few pixels ever seem to get hurt. I’ve heard Star Wars criticised for being full of endless battles that have to get bigger and bigger. I wrestle with my inner desire to wake up and become something of value in my life, that is often thwarted by a sort of willful sleepyness that I can’t quite stop myself thinking is delibertely imposed on myself … by myself … LOL!
So it was with some revelation that I came back to something that I came across years ago, but then somehow “forgot” ;) .
“As already said, when we take stock of the inner conflict, we identify with both sides. Thinking that if they are dissolved or destroyed “we” will cease to exist, we are appalled and feel that our very existence is threatened. Then, like all human beings who do not like the truth when they see or hear it, we become “confused” and try to avoid the unpleasant prospect. Bitter as death seems the inner battle, so we shrink from it and desperately try to find a way out.
So does Arjuna. In a lengthy and impassioned monologue he presents to Krishna his “confusion,” which is really a plea to inaction, to avoidance of conflict, thinking that such a negative condition is peace, whereas peace is a positive state, not the mere absence of unrest and conflict. It is also reached only through unrest and conflict, however little we like the fact.” Baghavad Gita Commentary.
Once I can understand that the Lord of the mind is the “True Self” and that transformation will not annihilate me then things should calm down. Hinduism is maybe a bit alien to the Western mind as well, so I don’t look to deeply at it … yet. As a Gnostic I can see the parallels with Christianity… “Believe in the Lord and you will be saved”. There are also the temptations and seductions of the “Devil”. The contortions and denials that the self goes through to avoid the Truth. Not wanting to see other people sufferring, not because I really sympathise with them, but because it makes ME feel bad. Me, me, me! My self love (oo er!) blinds me to what is really going on. The real deceptive nature of ego-involvement–addiction, so parroted in the West, Ego this, Ego that ! Do I really understand what it means, or has even that turned into yet ANOTHER way for the Ego to avoid things ? I see now how truly deceptive and sort of intelligent that “Monkey Mind” really is. Maybe it’s quite impressive, but it can be dangerous !
So what I thought was some “weird” thing going on in my mind is actually WELL known about. It has been written about in many different cultures and especially in the Bhagavad Gita, so it seems.